grrrr!

I'm so frustrated with several men in my life right now. Most of them are people that shouldn't be in my life and that bothers me too. Why can't I just drop them like a bad habit? Wait, I don't drop bad habits. lol  I let these guys treat me like crap and I honestly don't know if I'm more mad at them or myself.

And then there's my dad...

I love him dearly and he's been VERY good to me, the last few years especially, but he's been frustrating me lately. He has a "just do it" mentality which the older I've gotten the more I've struggled with. I think ever since I graduated from college my ADD has gotten worse because I didn't have a goal to focus on. Practically everything he says to me makes me feel like I'm not good enough or not doing enough. It's annoying! I know that's just as much of a problem with me and it is with him. I keep trying to tell him that my brain (and my brother's) is just wired differently and that I'm okay with being different and he needs to become okay with it.

I'm looking forward to seeing my doctor on Friday about my suspected ADD. I want to get the ball rolling so I can figure out ways to work with it instead of against it. I know it won't be an easy journey but I think I have the right attitude. More so then when I was first diagnosed with depression.

blogity blog blog blog

It was a busy/social weekend for me. I went to my friend Halley's wedding yesterday with my friend Michelle (from work). A few other work people were there and it was nice to see them and have people to talk to. We all know I don't do well with strangers! It was a beautiful wedding even though I know it was done on a budget. Lots of really cute touches that I may have to steal one day. It was an outdoor wedding though, so I had to sit in the sun in a dress (and spanx!) for 40 minutes and it knocked me out! I was light headed for the rest of the day. One of the groomsmen almost passed out too.

Today I went to a Texas BBQ at Michelle's (same one from above) home. Her parents are visiting from Texas and made all this food for her friends. I'm not a fan of BBQ but her parents are AWESOME! I'm trying to convince her mom she wants to adopt a white child...ME! lol  I'm always on the lookout for new mom's.

On a sad note, my dad's across the street neighbor and the owner of my FAVORITE pizza restaurant Shakey's passed away a couple days ago. He had cancer and we knew it was coming but it's sad. He's always been one of my favorite neighbors. He was the first person I told when my mom passed away. I'd gone out to the porch to make my calls and he was outside and asked me how she was. RIP Mr. Lampe!

I finished season 7 of NCIS and have started season 8. I should be done with it before season 9 premieres this fall. It'll be weird to have to wait a week or more for every episode. It's nice to watch episode after episode. I'll probably go back and start at season 1 again. Still have 2 episodes of The Tudors to watch too. Maybe I'll start that over again too.

Making some progress on my ADD book. I have an appointment with my doctor this Friday. I wish it was a quick process but I'm expecting it to take at least a month, probably more. And then if I get put on meds (please, please, please!) it may take awhile to find the right one. All in good time though. I'm going to try and patient and hope and pray that in the end all will be well.

I think that's all that's been going on in my world.

Random Facts about Laura

1. My biggest pet peeve: people who say they'll do something and then don't.

wedding dress shopping

I went wedding dress shopping with Katie, her mom, her sister Jess and her niece Loren today. It was mostly fun. I met them at the first place where I think we were for 2 hours! Katie looked so pretty in most of the dresses. Then Loren was modeling a bunch of flower girl dresses but come on...a cute little girl with curly hair is gonna look adorable in ANYTHING! lol  Jess tried on some bridesmaid dresses and then I tried on a couple too. Most did NOT look good in my opinion but we got some ideas of what might work.

Then we took a break and went to The Cheesecake Factory for a snack. I still have more than half of my cheesecake. I've found it gets better with age. It'll be BOMB the next couple days...if it lasts that long. lol

So then we went to David's Bridal where we were mainly looking at bridesmaid dresses. I tried on a couple and found one that I think will work well for me. Jess liked it too so we may end up all having the same dress. Katie's plan is to pick the color and we pick whatever dress we like best.

This will be the first wedding I'll ever be in. I'm nervous and excited and it's a year away!

Sitting in the shop got me to thinking about my mom and how we're never going to do that together. And if we had, it would have been pretty funny because neither of us are the dress types. Would have been interesting. But what if I do get married someday; who will go with me? Will it be as special? Will it totally suck? At this point, I don't really see it being something I need to worry about but I still think about it. 

Can I even see myself getting married without my mom there? Honestly, I don't know.

I am NOT lazy, crazy, or stupid!

That's like the motto for the book I'm reading about being an adult with ADD. I just read about the 3 ways inattention (one of the three major symptoms off ADD) and it was totally about me. It explained me practically spot on! I think if I can keep myself reading it, it'll be valuable to me. Because I DO have a serious issue with focusing on one task most of the time. Hence why so many of my summer chores haven't been started yet.
here's the conversation I have with myself daily: "
I can't start cleaning up my room until I get all the clothes put away. I can't put all the clothes away until I go through them all and get rid of a bunch of them. Well that's a big task so it's too late to start now."
Then in the morning I'll wake up and be like "I'm so tired,I need to sleep more." Next thing you know it's the middle of the next afternoon and IT STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN!!

My dad's always been a big fan of telling me "Why do you always make things so hard on yourself?" and "you just have to buckle down" and like Nike "just do it!"  He doesn't understand that I just can't! I can't explain it other than it feels like there is just something stopping me from doing whatever "it" is.

Dear Lord, Oh please, oh please, oh please help me to stick with this book and to find not only some comfort, but some help too. Amen.

I lost count of my days of summer!

I've been a little lax on the blog writing lately, even though I've had plenty to say. But today I've been trying to get back into doing stuff on my lists so here I am.

I did a 4am run to the airport to drop off my dad. 3rd trip taking or dropping him off this week. But the other night when I got him he took me to Costco for dinner and topped off my gas tank. Such a sweetie! I <3 my dad!  :)

I also called about getting my car an oil change (dad had a couple so it'll be about as cheap as he can do it for), read some of my adult ADD book (REALLY liking it!), and emptied the litterbox. That's about all I've done today.

I had tried to stay up to take my dad to the airport so when I came home I slept for about 6 hours and then was up for a bit and then slept the afternoon away. Not the best use of my time but what are you gonna do?

Tomorrow I'm planning on getting up to go to the Maple Valley Farmer's Market. There's a quilt show and you never know, I might find some fresh peas. Then Katie is going to join me in a little trip down memory lane at Camp Killoqua. They're having an open house so I thought I'd go. It was a hard summer working there but I really did love it!  I was always sad I couldn't go back for another summer.

Okay, so since I'm going to hopefully get up early in the morning I should start thinking about going to sleep. Probably need to take an ambien to help that along.

yeah....

I didn't post on Monday or Tuesday. Hopefully Wednesday!

12th day of summer

I can't believe it's only been 12 days since school got out! That's not even 2 weeks! I feel like it's been soooo long. I have 8 weeks left. This week has kinda filled up with 3 trips to the airport for dad and dinner/cards with James. And I'm getting my closet cleaned out! And I'm starting hot yoga.

I always intend of starting my blog earlier in the evening when I have a lot of ideas/thoughts and then something shiny distracts me. I'm such a dork! lol

I gave Ryan his 30 day notice to move out. I'm not going to really get into it, but basically the arrangement no longer suits me and since I don't need a roommate, he's out! I guess that's all the "it" there really is to it.

Okay, I think I'm going to bed now. I might read for a bit first...we'll see.

11th day of summer vacation

This is what the cake was supposed to look like:



I got this idea from here. TOTALLY awesome idea!!

And here is how mine turned out:



Clearly my colors aren't as vivid, but I don't have all the fancy tools and stuff somebody who bakes a lot does. And my layers are uneven but the overall affect (effect?) is still there. I got a TON of compliments on it and I'm pretty happy with it. I think if I ever made it again I'd do it better. The first time is always the toughest.

Had a nice time out at Katie & Kyle's BBQ. They have a nice little place and a good number of people came. A few I met last 4 and some new ones. I was pretty shy and antisocial at first but I got better. :)

Now I"m exhausted. I already took an ambien so I'll probably be in bed within the next hour or so. Maybe sooner! Vision is a little fuzzy and brain is slowing down. lol

I feel like there was something else I was gonna write about, but I don't remember so I guess you're just SOL. No, no, don't cry...it probably wasn't anything important.

I'm going to go pay more attention so season 4 of SATC that I started watching the other day. Well, re-watching I guess. I've seen it many times before. Okay, mind is powering down.

Catch you on the flip side!