mom

I just had an email that got me to thinking. My aunt was just commenting on the letter I wrote for my dad's christmas cards. She said I sounded just like my mom. Sometimes I really like hearing that and then other times I don't. But I wonder why I find myself trying to be like my mom. I love her and miss her dearly, but she wasn't perfect. There were plenty of things I didn't like about her. I feel like I'm trying to immortalize her or something by being like her. I know part of me will always be like her and do things because that's the way she did them. But why can't I let go of more of her? Maybe I will in time. Like I've never made an issue about being together on Thanksgiving. It was always, if it happens cool, if not oh well. No matter what though I have to make rolls. Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving without my mom's rolls. But for Christmas I'm totally anal (giggity, lol) about everything being as close to the way it used to be as possible.

How do I stop trying to replace my mom and figure out who I am???

my heart is ravisht with delight when thee I think upon

my evening started out good. had a drink in front of me, my playlist.com playing and wow up an running. then the 1 non upbeat song on my playlist came on...auld lang syne. the version from the sex and the city movie.

then i put it on repeat.

it made me picture a life with him. why do i do this. it's like i'm a silly little girl. i feel like i'll never grow up. i can see our lives like a freaking hallmark commercial. i know that's not real life but for some reason that's still what i picture. why is that. do i do it so nothing will ever measure up and then i'll be single forever thus self full-filling my prophecy that nobody will ever love me. it's confusing.

i see a beautiful evening wedding. it's outdoors and under a big tent and there are lots of candles. my dress surprises me.

i'm all sappy and weepy. then the wedding thoughts make me think about my mom and how she won't be there for my wedding. sadness

but there is still a smile on my face right now. even with the few tears. i think i want to walk down the aisle to this song someday. i don't know that it's a "wedding" song but i don't really care. it makes me feel good.


::the grammar and punctuation was deliberate. somehow, it seemed appropriate::

Seriously...wtf!?

I'm watching the first part of the season 6 finale of Project Runway and OMG, Heidi and Tim announced that the designers would have to complete a 13th look in the 2 or so days before the big fashion show. But for some reason, the designers are all shocked and stressed out. I don't get it...it's happened EVERY other season!

A little of this, that, and the other thing...

It's been so long...has anybody missed my sad, yet witty, blogs? lol Didn't think so! haha

It is currently 12:38pm when I am starting this and I think it's gonna take me all day to write. I've meant to write so many times over the past months, but I just never seem to get around to it. I wonder how much I'll get to today...

I am currently sick. Yuck!! It's a really nasty cold but it's on it's way out the door. I ended up only work a half day on Thursday and not on Friday so I've basically been sleeping for 3 days. Sleep always helps! I plan on returning to work tomorrow. I feel a lot better...not 100% but able to go out into the world. So far not even a lot of coughing today, but then again I've only been out of bed a little over an hour.

I'm thinking about going to grad school to become a teacher. I've said for the past couple years that I have no desire to be a teacher but I don't know now. I'm almost 30 and I feel like I have accomplished basically nothing. I like my job, it's easy but it pays nothing. I've hoped that I would get married and start a family so I wouldn't need a "career" but I feel like that may not happen now. Yes, I know 30 is still young and all that but at this point I just feel like I need something to fall back on I guess. Does that make any sense? Because maybe I never will get married. Maybe there's nobody out there for me. Maybe I'll just be alone forever. And if that's the case, I really need to make more money.

A lot of my friends are engaged, married, pregnant, or already have babies. Why them and not me? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them! But when's it MY turn? I would be such a great wife and mother so don't I deserve a shot at it? Why doesn't God give me that? I know I'm coming off as bitter and ungrateful, but oh well. Why do so many other people get what they want? I don't think they're just settling for somebody who comes along so why should I? Where are all the quality guys who are ready for commitment and family? Already taken, that's where. WTF?!?! I guess that's not all of them, but the guys I'm finding just don't do it for me. Or the ones that do, are LOSERS (i.e. Kevin). AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm so frustrated!

Time for a break....

Honestly, I don't begrudge you your happiness...I just want mine too.

*sigh*

So I'm totally crushing on my student's history teacher. He's perfect! Okay, he's probably not, but he definitely seems to have a LOT of great qualities. Why can't we get married and have lots of history loving babies? I'm kind of over the fun part of the crush though. I don't even think he knows I'm alive really. At least not in the "young, single, female" kind of way. He probably thinks I'm too young or just too fat for him. Sadness...

I'm sad I can't think of anything happy to write about. Oh wait, I LOVE MY CAT!! She's super cuddly these days and most of the time it's welcomed. I saw Lisa a couple weeks ago when she came to visit. That was good. And Disneyland is less than 3 months away. I should probably get to planning it.

It is now 4:47pm as I post this, exciting stuff...I know!

*sigh*

I've been doing pretty good on not thinking about Kevin lately. Sometimes days will go by and then I'm shocked I haven't thought about it. Why is it so hard to forget about somebody who was just so bad for you? Why did I ever meet and fall in love with him and when will I ever really be over him? There's something about his smile that still makes me melt. And if he showed up at my doorstep right now, there's not telling what I'd do. Probably not tell him to go away though. Is that just because I'm lonely or because I still love him? Why can't I get him out of my head/heart?!? He's such a LOSER!! But a HOT one. I'm still so insecure with myself! I know a big part of my attraction to him was that this gorgeous guy, the kind I could NEVER get in my youth, wanted me. ME!!!! It made me feel special and beautiful and I miss that. I know I need to find those things in myself, but I don't know how or ever where to start looking.

WARNING: Multiple Rants

I'm frustrated with a couple things...

1. My dad is dating. He has been for some time and he's on his second lady friend right now. She's from Arizona and they've been dating for 4ish months now. She was just up here for the past weekend for the second time, but I still haven't met her. I don't know if I want to. I HATE HATE HATE that he's dating! I already get so little time with him and now this chick is taking more of it. Yes, I want him to be happy and yes, my mom told me he's probably remarry, and yes, it's been over 2 years BUT I AM A SELFISH/SPOILED BRAT and I don't want him to! I don't want a step-mother, I don't want things to change anymore in my life. I want our holidays and traditions to stay the same. I want the house I grew up in to stay the same! And honestly, I'm jealous of the attention she gets and that my dad has a more active social life than I do. BAH HUMBUG!!!!!

2. John & Kate + 8...I'm SOOO disappointed with them, TLC, and the media/tabloids. I haven't watched the show since the season started because I don't have cable anymore and because it's just so over-publicized now. I read online a bit ago what this "big announcement" episode was about and I guess they're getting divorced. I have SEVERAL issues with this. 1. Less than a year ago they did 2 whole episodes where they renewed their vows and made it a point to say divorce is not an option for them. That's one of the reasons they renewed their vows they said, to let their children know they were serious. What a load of CRAP!!!! 2. In the article I read, Kate said that things had been tough for 7-8 months. Yeah, you know what?! Life is HARD! Suck it up!!! Have you tried counseling? Have you tried turning the f-ing cameras off and concentrating on your FAMILY?? I'm so livid at them!!! Granted, I don't know the "real" story, only the media produced one, but still. Ugh...I'm just disgusted!!!

I'm so unhappy and I don't know what to do about it or how to fix it!

less than 17 days left...I can survive that, right?!?

So I'm updating at school/work today because I never seem to do it at home. And believe it or not this is site isn't blocked by the school district!

I had the most completely boring weekend ever and it was so beautiful out. I did nothing but sleep and sit in front of my computer and TV. How pathetic is that? How pathetic am I? (Rhetorical question, no need to answer it...) I don't know what my problem is! I think my depression is worsening. I've been pretty good for a long time now, only taking a really small dose of my anti-depressant, but lately I'm wondering if I need to be taking more. I have plenty of chores/projects I could be working on and there's nothing saying I can't go out and do something alone, but I just never have the energy or desire really. Sometimes I get super motivated late at night and I'm like "tomorrow I'm going to clean/do a project/walk/whatever" but in the morning the energy is just gone.

I had the worst trouble sleeping last night. My bed was just to soft and the room was too hot, even with a fan on. So since I sold my futon I tried to sleep on the floor of my living room. I think I got about 3 hours of sleep there but the sun and chirping birds woke me up around 4:30am when I moved to my bed until my alarm went off. So far I'm not too tired, just kinda crabby.

Last week Brad and I had it out over emails. He had said he'd come up with a lesson plan for my student for watching a movie about Anne Frank and when I asked him about it he said he hadn't (2 weeks later). I wrote him an email and just said that it was frustrating because he said he would and he didn't. Then he went off on me telling me I suck at my job basically and do everything wrong all day. I asked him how that was possible if I just had a review with the assistant principal and it was great. He said because he had stopped telling them everything I did wrong. He also did email me some lesson plan he just copied from somewhere and told me to look through it. I stated to him again that I'm not the teacher so he can just tell me what to do out of it. (He's always like "I'm the teacher, I can do no wrong, I know everything" when all he does is sit on his big, smelling butt all day stinking up the room!) We went back and forth a few more times and I was just like, stop deflecting on me. You said you'd do something (lesson plan) and didn't so I called you on it. Now you've given me one, it's over! He just kept harping on me and I'm just like DUDE! This isn't about me. Whatever...17 days left and then I NEVER have to see him again. He's moving somewhere...YAY!!! His car got keyed last week. Can't say he didn't deserve it. I feel so sorry for his girlfriend. I'm also very curious about her. They met online and she moved out here from Ohio (he paid for her to fly out) and she doesn't have a job or a car. She sits in the apartment all day cleaning or something and then serves him dinner while he plays final fantasy. Seriously, those are his words...she serves him dinner. I don't think she ever leaves the place without him. It's almost like an abusive relationship. Unless of course, she's that type of girl that can't decide what color underwear to put on without a man's opinion.

Anyway, I've survived this long, a couple more weeks won't kill me.

I'm excited about my summer job being a nanny. I need to go hang out with Stephanie and her kids to get a feel for them and how our days will go. I have so much fun stuff planned!

Backtracking a couple weeks...Jen's wedding was good. I felt very pretty in my dress!! Much prettier than I think I look in the pictures. I went and got my hair done and the lady made it look like there was a birds nest on my head! I'm not good at saying anything in those situations but was able to salvage it before going. And when I got home from the wedding and brushed some of the hairspray out my hair looked AWESOME!! All curly and pretty! My everyday styling is going okay though I think it looks like I have a mullet. I need to get a couple inches cut off the back I think. I'll wait awhile though, maybe to next paycheck.

Okay...gotta get to work and do a math lesson. Maybe I'll write more tonight, but maybe not.

insert witty title here

Does anybody else think it's totally awesome that Ellen DeGeneres is a CoverGirl?!? I've seen the commercial a couple times now and I just think it's so out there it's just GREAT!

Who watched the Dancing With the Stars final last night? It was really good!! As long as Melissa doesn't win I'll be happy, though I'm not a huge Giles fan either. They're both good dancers, but I tend to be more for the people I like. All 3 free style dances totally ROCKED it! I think Melissa's was probably actually my favorite. Only by a little and only because of the music choice. Was so early 90's and just brought me back to the day.

I had some other stuff I was going to write about, work, Jen's wedding, my haircut, etc. but my mind just isn't in it right now. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll live without those intimate details of my life! LMAO!

no witty subject today

I keep thinking of things I want to write about, but never feel like sitting down and doing it. I will recommend the movie Nothing but the Truth. I saw it last weekend and it blew me away! Other than that, I'm not in the sharing mood.

But I am lonely...I miss having somebody to spend time with a couple nights a week. :(

I did the unthinkable....

I bought a DRESS!! LOL I KNOW, I can't believe it either! But I wanted to wear one to Jen's wedding next month. I actually bought the 2nd one I tried on so it wasn't as torturous as I had expected. Now I just need shoes and a shawl or sweater or something. Here it is:



Of course, it doesn't look like that on me, but it is cute! :)

I'm not happy with myself today...

Why am I so freaking lazy? I can't even get up today, Easter of all days, and go to church! I'd write more, but I'm not sure what else to say except I disgust myself right now. :(

Spring Break and 1st dates!

Spring Break is going well. I'm sad it's almost over! I haven't been nearly as productive as I had wanted to be, but really...did anybody think I would be? LOL I've done a little cleaning and there's still time to do more but we'll see.

I had lunch with mama Vanessa yesterday which was great. I love spending time with her! In some ways it makes me miss my Mom more, but mostly makes me miss her less. I couldn't ask for a better 2nd mother! :)

Tonight I'm going to hang out with Ian and Steve from work, that should be fun!

I've slept in a couple days which as been SOOOOOOOO nice! Today I woke up for good around 12:30 but didn't get out of bed for another hour. And here it is almost 3:30 and I'm still in my pajamas. Jealous?

So last night I had a first date with a guy named Mike. He's really nice and funny and best of all...he plays WARCRAFT!! Yeah, I'm a nerd, but that's ok. :) We went to the Olive Garden and then we played warcraft together for a bit when we both got home. He lives in Seattle and does computer stuff for a living. Really nice guy! I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes. We're going out this weekend too.

Okay, I think it might be time for me to shower. lol

Spring Break!!

OMG!!! I need this week off in the worst way! The kids are crazy and I just need time away from them. And it's sooooo nice to sleep in! My hope/goal is to not be too lazy all week and to actually get stuff done, mainly some SERIOUS Spring cleaning. My place is yucky. I typed out a list yesterday of everything I wanted to get done in each room. I know myself and so I'll be happy if I get 3 rooms done. Surprisingling I actually did a little today. I didn't get out of bed until 2pm when Kate called to invite me to Denny's and when I got home about 45 min ago I showered, shaved my legs, put on capris, potted some plants on my balcony, washed some dishes, AND took out the garbage. Not bad for a Sunday! The big thing that has to get done is un-caulking and re-caulking my tub cause it's a little moldy in one spot. EWWW!!! That actually takes some planning and work. I'm thinking Thursday for the cleaning and then Friday for the caulking (so it can be super dry) and then Saturday I can shower again. Maybe start Wednesday though. We'll see.

In other news...well, there isn't any really. I got a letter from my high school last week. I guess they're putting together a huge directory of all the classes up to 2006. I called so they'd have my info correct and then they wanted to sell me the book...$80 I think. I laughed at the guy. LOL Then he offered me something for only $40 and I laughed again. I told him I can get ahold of just about anybody via Facebook. At least all the people I want to talk to.

So that's all I guess I have to say right now. Oh yeah, one more thing. I'm going on a train trip to Portland with Darlene next month. Just overnight but I'm super excited!!

Peace out homies!!

crabby and anti-social

So I've been crabby lately and more anti-social than usual. I'm not sure why, but I have 2 theories. 1. The time of year. Today is my Mom's birthday, in about a month is when she died, and about a month after that is Mother's Day. So yeah, sucky time of year!
2. I'm trying to get myself off my anti-depressants (slowly of course) and went down to 5mg a couple weeks ago. This week I went back up to 10. We'll see if that makes a difference.

I guess it could also be a combination of the two. I just don't want to do anything that requires me to go out, besides work really. I'm perfectly content to stay home and play warcraft. Granted, I know that won't really help me with finding somebody which is what I was whining about last blog.

I'm supposed to go to a bridal shower today and even though I love Jen, Vanessa, and many of the people that will be there, I really don't want to make the effort to shower and drive and be cheerful. I need to call my therapist I think!

Jealousy/Anger

I am so freaking jealous of everybody who is married, having kids, or even seriously dating somebody. I am so tired at being alone!! I like being a couple. I'm a couple kind of girl. Yes, I like my alone time, but I love being with somebody. Talking, laughing, just hanging out, sharing about my day, etc. I try not to think about it, but it really consumes me and my thoughts. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to get married, have babies, and be a stay at home mom if possible. Not that I don't love my job, because I do (for the most part). But marriage has always been the goal for me and as I'm nearing 30! I just feel like it's just hanging over my head like a dark cloud. I feel like I'm NEVER going to meet somebody worth being with forever. Yeah, yeah, God has a plan...WHATEVER!!! I'm not down with that right now. I don't even want to hear it so save it! I just want to meet somebody and I'm so afraid I won't and I'll be living in this stupid condo ALONE FOREVER!!!

I think I'm a pretty good catch...smart, witty, funny, not all together unattractive, a decent cook, kind, caring, etc but I can't find a decent guy anywhere. At least not one I want to marry and have children with.

BEING SINGLE SUCKS BIG FAT MONKEY NUTS!!!!!!!!

annoying!

DUDE...anonymous comments?? LEAVE YOUR NAME!

Back by popular demand...

Okay, one person (Rebekah) doesn't really constitute "popular" demand, but I'm going with it! But I'm writing during down time in Warcraft (NERD!!!!) so it's going to take me awhile to write, but you'd never know that if I hadn't told you.

I'm watching Food Network Challenge - Disney Celebration Cakes. I love the challenges, especially when they're Disney based. After this episode is another Disney one that I've never seen. Very cool!

Watching this has confirmed that I want to go to Disneyland for my 30th birthday next year. I tried to look up prices, but it's too far in advance. I (tentatively) want to fly down on the 9th and come back on the 12th. Probably 3 days at the parks. Of course I don't want to go alone and as much as I love my Dad, I want to go with a friend or friends. So I'm putting this out there as a SAVE THE DATE, if you want to go. As Shelley has pointed out, saving needs to start NOW! I'm not sure how much it'll cost, but I'm anticipating $600/person. That's what it cost Shelley and I for everything (except food) a couple years ago. Granted, this would be a day longer I think. But it's a ballpark figure nonetheless. So, are you interested?? I know EVERYBODY will want to go, but realistically, is it something you would consider? I'd love to have you there!!!

Let's see...what else has been going on??? I haven't seen Marc in 2 weeks now. He's been busy, but a little weird too. Don't know where it's going, probably nowhere, but I'm not stressed about it which is nice.

I've been having some God issues lately. I just don't really care anymore. I mean I do, I believe and everything, and I know He has a plan for me, BUT I am completely 100% unmotivated to do anything about furthering my faith. I have all these resources (friends, books, etc.) but I can't seem to bring myself to do anything about it. It's like I'm in a desert, dying of thirst, and there's water right in front of me, but I can't bring myself to drink. I feel this way about other things too, chores, working out, and such. Things I need to do, I know I need to do them, but I just can't do them. What's up with that? Anybody got anything suggestions for that?

The whole daylight savings thing has been throwing me off. I never remember it bothering me before but this year (cause I'm old maybe? lol) I'm still feeling it a week later. It being light out later just throws me off...I think I have all this time left in the day, but I don't. GRRR!!! And it doesn't help that it's so freaking cold out...where's SPRING!?!

Work is going fine. Nothing exciting there. I started tutoring another kid, one that's been suspended for the rest of the year. So I tutor 5 days a week now. The extra money will be nice, especially for DISNEYLAND. I might pick up another suspended kid too, we'll see. He's a JERK so I don't mind if somebody else wants to tutor him.

Spring Break is coming up in 2 weeks. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! I don't have any exciting plans, but I have things I want to get done. I am going to walk every morning with Michelle. I also have a bunch of chores I want to do. I want to dust and vacuum EVERYWHERE, do some Spring cleaning, clean my deck, and re-caulk my tub. I thought about a road trip, but don't have the money for it.

Speaking of a road trip...I'm planning on one for Summer. If I work Summer School, I should be able to afford a trip, as long as gas prices don't go up too much. The ultimate plan would be up into Canada, through Calgary, Edmonton, Moose Jaw, down through North and South Dakota, swing by Colorado to see Alisha, swing through Nevada to see Katie, and then probably a stop in SF to see my Grandma and maybe Lisa. Then home. Sounds awesome doesn't it?! Want to join me?? I'm thinking the first 2 weeks of August maybe. Then I'll be home in time to get settled for next school year.

I just found a hole in my sock...I go through so many socks!!!

Okay, it's almost 8 and I haven't had dinner yet. I think I'm going to go do that now. And maybe take my bra off, it's bothering me. I hate having big boobs!

Like I said before...it's either feast of famine with my blogging!

Lots to write about today, let's see how much I get to before I get bored and want to play Warcraft. LOL

A couple weeks ago the weirdest thing happened to me in bed. No, not kinky weird, I was alone...get your mind out of the gutter! I sleep with a sheet, a blanket, and a comforter in the winter. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and the middle blanket has been pushed aside. I never know how that happens. Well, a couple weeks ago I woke up in the morning and somehow the sheet got under me in the middle of the night, but not all crumpled. It was perfectly flat. I don't know how I managed to do that in my sleep!

Isn't my life exciting! lol

I'm on vacation this week. I love all the vacations I get with my job. Yeah, it sucks to be poor most of the time, but the free time is great! And even though I won't work July or August, I'll still get paid. And I'll probably work summer school which is one month and that'll all be bonus money. More to put in the bank!

I went to California for 2 1/2 days to see my Grandma and uncles. I flew down on Monday morning and my friend Lisa (we've been friends for over 20 years, man I feel old!) picked me up and we hung out. We walked around Berkeley a little and just chilled and then she drove me to my uncles. My grandma is doing well which was good to see. She doesn't do much, but seems content in her rut. My uncles take AMAZING car of her! I slept most of Tuesday (hey! it's my vacation and I'll sleep if I want to!) which was nice. I played some Wii too (I SOOOOO want one!!) and that's about it. I came home yesterday.

Darlene took me to NW Trek a couple weeks ago. I brought Shelley along too. Dar brought her nieces and a friend along. We had such a BLAST even though it was a little cold. I'm really glad I went and it felt good to get out and walk and run around. I need to do that more often. Avery was supposed to go with me instead of Shelley, but he decided to just not show up and not call. Makes me sad, but I had fun anyway!

Darlene also took me to my first hockey game last Sunday. She had an extra ticket and it was at the new arena that's just down the street from me. It was fun!! It's a minor league team or something so the players are 16-23 or something like that. I had to keep reminding myself they weren't legal! LOL Good times though!

I need to find a church!! I never go anymore and have pretty much stopped going to my woman's group too. This is sad. :( I need to find a place where I fit it, but I can't do that if I don't look. I'm jealous of Kimberlea and her love of her new church. I did go to church with Rebekah and her husband a couple weeks ago down in Puyallup. It was nice, but WAY too big for me.

I got my tax refund last week...YAY!!! It feels nice to have a little extra cash and to not have to mail my bills at the last minute so my paycheck will get deposited before the checks get cashed. I put half of it in my savings account which felt good too!

I've been seeing several old friends lately. I saw my friend Teresa from high school a couple weeks ago. We went to lunch and had such a good time! We never hung out outside of school so that was a little weird but 10 years have gone by and we had quite a bit in common too. I can't wait to see her again!

Tomorrow I am seeing Melinda who I also haven't seen since high school. We didn't hang out much in high school, but did in junior high. We even too driver's ed together. She married with 2 1/2 kids now (ones in the womb) and I'm super excited to see her!

As I previously mentioned, I saw Lisa this week too! I did just see her over Christmas and a handful of other times since high school.

It's nice to reconnect with people. I was hoping to see a guy from high school in California, but he didn't get back to me. Oh well, HIS LOSS! :P

Work is work, nothing to report there really.

And last but not least, and your reward for reading all of this so far...details about the guy I'm dating, Marc. We started dating 4-6 weeks ago (I'm not sure) and it's going well. He's really sweet and nice. He's 26 and unlike most of the guys I've dated in the past few years, he has a job, a car, and doesn't live with his parents. Ooohhh...a triple threat! LMAO!!! We usually just hang out, go out to eat, and watch movies at my place. Nothing too exciting but we both seem to be enjoying ourselves. I like him a lot and am excited to see where it goes!

Well, that's all folks. I think I'm out of things to update on. I hope I answered any questions you had about my life.

Until next time...

P.S. I'm still totally in love with Lucy, my cat! I NEVER in a million years would've thought I'd get so attached to a pet, but I am! She met Grandpa last weekend (my Dad). Oh yeah, he took me out for lunch on Valentine's Day. :)

It's either feast or famine with me, isn't it?!

Yet another update from ME!

Last nights 2nd date went well! We went out to dinner and then came back here and watched a movie. Well, actually...I grabbed the wrong keys so was locked out so after dinner we drove to my Dad's, got a key to his house from the neighbors, then got my spare key from his place, and THEN came over here and watched a movie. Crazy but fun! :)

I worked this afternoon. The girl I tutor has a huge project due soon so we were working on that for 4 hours. I'm tired now, but the money is worth it! Plus her Mom was making cookies and sent me home with a couple. Though, they didn't actually make it home!

I had some really ODD dreams last night. Well really one dream I think where the setting kept changing. I apparently had a baby boy and nobody had known I was pregnant. So I had this kid, the dad was some loser guy who then came to my parents house (Mom was alive, but just in the background really) and my Dad told him to fuck off cause he wanted custody. I never came up with a name for my son though. I kept thinking Owen or naming him after my Dad. At one point in the dream I was in a dorm-like room with Lisa, Kate, and one or two other people I was getting up the nerve to tell them I'd had a child a couple days prior. Then Mr. Forney (my junior high history teacher and a current teacher where I work) was there and I told him.

That's really all I remember. Weird huh??

Good news!!

The guy from last night wants to take me out again tonight! :) We're going to Costco for chicken bakes which I totally LOVE! I'm always surprised at how hard it is for me to get a date, I'm a cheap date! Take me to Costco or Subway and I'm good! LOL

I had a weird dream last night about this guy I know. I've always had a little crush on him but he doesn't see me that way. In it, he changed his mind and asked me out. It was nice! Does God speak to people through dreams?

stuff and things

I have lots to write about tonight...let's see how much I get out before I get bored! I always want to write, but am rarely motivated. LOL

Things with new Kevin (long date from a couple weeks ago) didn't work out. I'm only a little bummed but such is life. I don't think we were right for each other, though we did have a lot in common and he is a redhead. There are more fish in the sea!

I went out with a guy named Marc tonight. I had a really good time! We went to dinner and then saw Bride Wars. Good movie, very funny! I got a little teary at one point, but it's all good. Then he brought me home and walked me to my door. Very gentlemanly! :) We'll see what happens, but I'm not stressing about it. God has somebody for me (crosses fingers)!

Work is going pretty good. I only worked 2 days this week and they were a little stressful at times, but overall not bad. The kids' behavior is just getting worse though. We're trying to figure out some options.

Oh yeah, I ran into one of my students (a teacher too) at the theater. It was a little weird, but he's one of the good kids, probably our best so I survived. I just hope he doesn't say anything next week because the other kids will just give me crap about it and they don't need any more ammo for insulting me.

On Tuesday I slipped on some ice on my stairs and fell, banging my leg up pretty bad. That's why I missed 2 days of work. I've got an ugly bruise on my shin and a scrape on my knee which HURTS every time I move it. But I did get a good knee bandaid from the school nurse today so at least it's not rubbing against my jeans. Falling down stairs HURTS!

I got a cat on Sunday (Lucy) from a co-worker and am so in love with her!!!! I'm still getting used to having a pet and taking care of her. Cleaning the litter box SUCKS big fat monkey nuts! And cat hair is everywhere, but she is so cute and I'm so happy with her! She didn't eat the first couple days but is now so I'm not worried about that. She also got in my fireplace the first morning, but I don't think she has again which is good. She's a smart cat too! And very polite! I don't think she got on my bed or couch until I put her there. Of course, now she has no problem going on either. I need to find my camera and then I'll take some pics to share.

Hmmm...I feel like there was more to write about but I can't think of anything.

My first cute cat story!!

So I couldn't find Lucy this morning...she wasn't under my bed anymore (which is where she was when I went to sleep) and I looked under the futon, couch, and anywhere else I could think of. Then I look over and see her...IN MY FIREPLACE!! LOL So she's no longer white with black and orange spots, she's gray with black and orange spots. It's cute and hilarious to me. She's also leaving a trail of soot wherever she goes. I'm not too concerned about it, though I tried to clean off her paws. My dad has to come clean some of my carpet anyway, he can just do that area again.

I am a little worried that she's not eating, but it's only been a day and I know I'm stressing out WAY too early! I've killed more than one cactus before though, so I'm paranoid!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

So far I'm having a totally awesome birthday! I had lunch with my Dad and he gave me the sweetest card which I will treasure forever. Tonight is dinner with about 8 of us at the Ram. I usually don't plan big things for my birthday because I never think people will come (see the pic) but this year I did and I will have a blast tonight!

More details later!!

the world's longest first date!

So this weekend I had a date that lasted 49 hours straight! It was just that good! I met this guy online, his name is Kevin! (I know, really?!? lol) We met for lunch on Friday and our date ended today after we had lunch, ironically at the same restaurant. Wait, is that really irony? I never know!

We played warcraft together, went to a bar, watched some DVD's, talked a lot, cuddled, and just had a GREAT time!! He's a redhead too so YUMMY! It's safe to say we hit it off! I am looking forward to seeing him again.

We have a LOT in common, it's kinda freaky! He's way into history, likes warcraft, enjoys musicals, and he's somebody who's not afraid to watch jeopardy with me! I love that!! I'm totally crushing on him right now!

On another note, I'm not ready to go back to work tomorrow. 18 days off isn't enough! LOL I know I'm totally spoiled with my job. I also have a doctors appointment tomorrow, a woman's one, so YUCKY!

Saturday is my birthday and I'm excited!!

I'm torn...

We had our Christmas dinner tonight (finally!!) and I ended up getting some Christmas money from my Dad that was unexpected. I'm torn with what to do with it. Part of me says just put it in the bank cause I need more money in savings in case something happens. Another part says give it back to Dad cause I owe him some money. Not sure he'd take it though. And then part of me is like, it's a GIFT...go out and spend it. Buy the Wii you want or a laptop (totally don't need) or a couch or a new bed or pots and pans. Something that would be a big purchase for me! You know, those things you want but can never justify spending money on...I'm so conflicted!!!