So I've been crabby lately and more anti-social than usual. I'm not sure why, but I have 2 theories. 1. The time of year. Today is my Mom's birthday, in about a month is when she died, and about a month after that is Mother's Day. So yeah, sucky time of year!
2. I'm trying to get myself off my anti-depressants (slowly of course) and went down to 5mg a couple weeks ago. This week I went back up to 10. We'll see if that makes a difference.
I guess it could also be a combination of the two. I just don't want to do anything that requires me to go out, besides work really. I'm perfectly content to stay home and play warcraft. Granted, I know that won't really help me with finding somebody which is what I was whining about last blog.
I'm supposed to go to a bridal shower today and even though I love Jen, Vanessa, and many of the people that will be there, I really don't want to make the effort to shower and drive and be cheerful. I need to call my therapist I think!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Jealousy/Anger
I am so freaking jealous of everybody who is married, having kids, or even seriously dating somebody. I am so tired at being alone!! I like being a couple. I'm a couple kind of girl. Yes, I like my alone time, but I love being with somebody. Talking, laughing, just hanging out, sharing about my day, etc. I try not to think about it, but it really consumes me and my thoughts. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to get married, have babies, and be a stay at home mom if possible. Not that I don't love my job, because I do (for the most part). But marriage has always been the goal for me and as I'm nearing 30! I just feel like it's just hanging over my head like a dark cloud. I feel like I'm NEVER going to meet somebody worth being with forever. Yeah, yeah, God has a plan...WHATEVER!!! I'm not down with that right now. I don't even want to hear it so save it! I just want to meet somebody and I'm so afraid I won't and I'll be living in this stupid condo ALONE FOREVER!!!
I think I'm a pretty good catch...smart, witty, funny, not all together unattractive, a decent cook, kind, caring, etc but I can't find a decent guy anywhere. At least not one I want to marry and have children with.
BEING SINGLE SUCKS BIG FAT MONKEY NUTS!!!!!!!!
I think I'm a pretty good catch...smart, witty, funny, not all together unattractive, a decent cook, kind, caring, etc but I can't find a decent guy anywhere. At least not one I want to marry and have children with.
BEING SINGLE SUCKS BIG FAT MONKEY NUTS!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Back by popular demand...
Okay, one person (Rebekah) doesn't really constitute "popular" demand, but I'm going with it! But I'm writing during down time in Warcraft (NERD!!!!) so it's going to take me awhile to write, but you'd never know that if I hadn't told you.
I'm watching Food Network Challenge - Disney Celebration Cakes. I love the challenges, especially when they're Disney based. After this episode is another Disney one that I've never seen. Very cool!
Watching this has confirmed that I want to go to Disneyland for my 30th birthday next year. I tried to look up prices, but it's too far in advance. I (tentatively) want to fly down on the 9th and come back on the 12th. Probably 3 days at the parks. Of course I don't want to go alone and as much as I love my Dad, I want to go with a friend or friends. So I'm putting this out there as a SAVE THE DATE, if you want to go. As Shelley has pointed out, saving needs to start NOW! I'm not sure how much it'll cost, but I'm anticipating $600/person. That's what it cost Shelley and I for everything (except food) a couple years ago. Granted, this would be a day longer I think. But it's a ballpark figure nonetheless. So, are you interested?? I know EVERYBODY will want to go, but realistically, is it something you would consider? I'd love to have you there!!!
Let's see...what else has been going on??? I haven't seen Marc in 2 weeks now. He's been busy, but a little weird too. Don't know where it's going, probably nowhere, but I'm not stressed about it which is nice.
I've been having some God issues lately. I just don't really care anymore. I mean I do, I believe and everything, and I know He has a plan for me, BUT I am completely 100% unmotivated to do anything about furthering my faith. I have all these resources (friends, books, etc.) but I can't seem to bring myself to do anything about it. It's like I'm in a desert, dying of thirst, and there's water right in front of me, but I can't bring myself to drink. I feel this way about other things too, chores, working out, and such. Things I need to do, I know I need to do them, but I just can't do them. What's up with that? Anybody got anything suggestions for that?
The whole daylight savings thing has been throwing me off. I never remember it bothering me before but this year (cause I'm old maybe? lol) I'm still feeling it a week later. It being light out later just throws me off...I think I have all this time left in the day, but I don't. GRRR!!! And it doesn't help that it's so freaking cold out...where's SPRING!?!
Work is going fine. Nothing exciting there. I started tutoring another kid, one that's been suspended for the rest of the year. So I tutor 5 days a week now. The extra money will be nice, especially for DISNEYLAND. I might pick up another suspended kid too, we'll see. He's a JERK so I don't mind if somebody else wants to tutor him.
Spring Break is coming up in 2 weeks. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! I don't have any exciting plans, but I have things I want to get done. I am going to walk every morning with Michelle. I also have a bunch of chores I want to do. I want to dust and vacuum EVERYWHERE, do some Spring cleaning, clean my deck, and re-caulk my tub. I thought about a road trip, but don't have the money for it.
Speaking of a road trip...I'm planning on one for Summer. If I work Summer School, I should be able to afford a trip, as long as gas prices don't go up too much. The ultimate plan would be up into Canada, through Calgary, Edmonton, Moose Jaw, down through North and South Dakota, swing by Colorado to see Alisha, swing through Nevada to see Katie, and then probably a stop in SF to see my Grandma and maybe Lisa. Then home. Sounds awesome doesn't it?! Want to join me?? I'm thinking the first 2 weeks of August maybe. Then I'll be home in time to get settled for next school year.
I just found a hole in my sock...I go through so many socks!!!
Okay, it's almost 8 and I haven't had dinner yet. I think I'm going to go do that now. And maybe take my bra off, it's bothering me. I hate having big boobs!
I'm watching Food Network Challenge - Disney Celebration Cakes. I love the challenges, especially when they're Disney based. After this episode is another Disney one that I've never seen. Very cool!
Watching this has confirmed that I want to go to Disneyland for my 30th birthday next year. I tried to look up prices, but it's too far in advance. I (tentatively) want to fly down on the 9th and come back on the 12th. Probably 3 days at the parks. Of course I don't want to go alone and as much as I love my Dad, I want to go with a friend or friends. So I'm putting this out there as a SAVE THE DATE, if you want to go. As Shelley has pointed out, saving needs to start NOW! I'm not sure how much it'll cost, but I'm anticipating $600/person. That's what it cost Shelley and I for everything (except food) a couple years ago. Granted, this would be a day longer I think. But it's a ballpark figure nonetheless. So, are you interested?? I know EVERYBODY will want to go, but realistically, is it something you would consider? I'd love to have you there!!!
Let's see...what else has been going on??? I haven't seen Marc in 2 weeks now. He's been busy, but a little weird too. Don't know where it's going, probably nowhere, but I'm not stressed about it which is nice.
I've been having some God issues lately. I just don't really care anymore. I mean I do, I believe and everything, and I know He has a plan for me, BUT I am completely 100% unmotivated to do anything about furthering my faith. I have all these resources (friends, books, etc.) but I can't seem to bring myself to do anything about it. It's like I'm in a desert, dying of thirst, and there's water right in front of me, but I can't bring myself to drink. I feel this way about other things too, chores, working out, and such. Things I need to do, I know I need to do them, but I just can't do them. What's up with that? Anybody got anything suggestions for that?
The whole daylight savings thing has been throwing me off. I never remember it bothering me before but this year (cause I'm old maybe? lol) I'm still feeling it a week later. It being light out later just throws me off...I think I have all this time left in the day, but I don't. GRRR!!! And it doesn't help that it's so freaking cold out...where's SPRING!?!
Work is going fine. Nothing exciting there. I started tutoring another kid, one that's been suspended for the rest of the year. So I tutor 5 days a week now. The extra money will be nice, especially for DISNEYLAND. I might pick up another suspended kid too, we'll see. He's a JERK so I don't mind if somebody else wants to tutor him.
Spring Break is coming up in 2 weeks. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! I don't have any exciting plans, but I have things I want to get done. I am going to walk every morning with Michelle. I also have a bunch of chores I want to do. I want to dust and vacuum EVERYWHERE, do some Spring cleaning, clean my deck, and re-caulk my tub. I thought about a road trip, but don't have the money for it.
Speaking of a road trip...I'm planning on one for Summer. If I work Summer School, I should be able to afford a trip, as long as gas prices don't go up too much. The ultimate plan would be up into Canada, through Calgary, Edmonton, Moose Jaw, down through North and South Dakota, swing by Colorado to see Alisha, swing through Nevada to see Katie, and then probably a stop in SF to see my Grandma and maybe Lisa. Then home. Sounds awesome doesn't it?! Want to join me?? I'm thinking the first 2 weeks of August maybe. Then I'll be home in time to get settled for next school year.
I just found a hole in my sock...I go through so many socks!!!
Okay, it's almost 8 and I haven't had dinner yet. I think I'm going to go do that now. And maybe take my bra off, it's bothering me. I hate having big boobs!
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