life and death

Since it's the last week of the show and it's on Hulu, I've been watching the last episodes of All My Children.

***SPOILER***

They've kind of been dealing with 1 family each day and of course it's mostly been happily ever after which NEVER happens, or rather lasts, on soaps.

*tangent, then back to spoiler and my thoughts on death and stuff*

I remember when I started watching All My Children. I was about 13 I think and Alison got me into it. I think I taped it everyday in 8th grade. lol  I watched it a little in college too but then it was just too hard to keep up with all the drama, especially when some characters changed actors. Who hasn't watched a soap at one time or another? Females at least? Well, I don't know that my mom ever did.

***Speaking of my mom***

So on yesterday's AMC, a beloved character, Stuart, who'd been "killed" 2 years ago was brought back to life. I think he'd been in the evil doctor's clinic or something. Apparently this doctor has performed several miracles but has also hurt lots of people. He had to convince the cops to let him out of jail to save Stuart.

Stuart's twin, Adam, was there and that's what really brought Stuart back I guess. Twin bond or something. And then his son Scott showed up. He'd lived the last 2 years having to deal with his father's death.

This got me to thinking. As much as I love my mom and miss her, I wouldn't want her to come back to life, even if only for a day. I have no desire to go through the pain of losing her again. That was the worst time in my life. Why would I want to go through that again? Why would anybody? (Though I'm sure some people would chose to if they could.)

I've had a reoccurring dream several times over the years. My mom suddenly has come back to life and nobody else seems to think it's strange. She's back living with my dad but he still has his girlfriend. And NOBODY brings up the fact that my mom was CREMATED! And there was this vibe that if I asked about it (cause you know I'm super curious), she would suddenly disappear. There was also the unknown about her cancer. Was it gone? Would it come back? Nobody knows. I think I flashed forward a bit, like a year or so, and she was still alive and was healthy, but there was still the question of whether or not it'd come back.

I don't know how many times I've had this dream, but it's been more than half a dozen times and I'm usually left feeling sad and a little lost. But I know that if God came to me and offered me the chance to be with my mom again, for whatever length of time, I probably wouldn't take Him up on it. I guess if maybe I was clear that it was a visit for an hour or a few hours maybe, but any longer than that, I'd get too attached and I wouldn't want to go through that again.

So, should mom be Mom when I'm writing about her? That's one of those grammar things I've never gotten. lol