Look how far I've come!

So I went to therapy yesterday for the first time in almost a year. I was only going every couple of months before that but last February I had a crisis of sorts so I went in to see her. I actually find that crisis kind of funny now. I am such a slave to my emotions and desires!

I had no real reason to go it, I'd just been meaning to check in the past 4-6 months but never had the money for it and didn't want to ask dad for it. But I did now so I went it and it was good. I really love my therapist! She reminds me a lot of my mom and my favorite teacher from high school so it's a good combo for me. And she hugs me at the end. She's done that for 2-3 years. I told her that I like that she hugs me and she said that she likes that I hug her. :)

In talking to her I realized that I'd been seeing her for about 4 1/2 years. Since late summer/fall the year my mom died (2007). It's amazing how far I've come since then!!  I'm one of the slowest changers EVER I think, so it's really nice to be able to look back and see all the progress I've made.

Back then, I NEVER thought I'd ever be over Kevin, but I am. When he texted me awhile back it really just made me laugh.

I think I'm as over my mom's death as I can ever hope to be. I guess it's more I've come to terms with it and accepted it.

My relationship with my dad has come leaps and bounds since my childhood. I love my dad so much now and can't imagine how I would have gotten through the last several years without him. That is by far, the BEST thing that came out of losing my mom. 

I'm fine with my dad dating now, though I will admit if/when he gets married that might be tough for me. But for now he seems fine with having his girlfriend be in Arizona. He's there a lot, but he always comes home. I know that one day things may change, he may move there part or full time, they may marry, etc, but I know I'll be able to handle it. 

I have a job that I really enjoy and even though the pay is crap, I get by. And the benefits FAR outweigh the negatives.

I'm content in the little bubble of a world I've created for myself. At least most of the time. Occasionally I'm lonely and want somebody to share my life with, but if it's meant to be, it'll be.

I'm content in my decision that I don't want to have kids. It may change, but if it doesn't, I can love on all the kids my friends have. Not everybody needs to have kids. For over 10 years of my life all I wanted was to be a stay at home mom with 3-5 kids and now I couldn't imagine doing that. I like that I can spend hours on Facebook everyday if I want to.

I think I have a good idea of what I want in a life partner/boyfriend/husband. I want what I briefly had with Jason back in 2007. It wasn't what I thought I wanted then, but it is now and I am sad I can't have that with him. I don't regret much in my life but I do regret how I handled that. In my defense, I was pretty screwed up that year from losing my mom, but that's still not really an excuse.

I'm at a good place in my life I think. I don't stress about much and that's nice.  I wonder what the future holds for me though...

Friday, the 10th day of summer!

Dual Survival is such a cool show! I wanna go out and try to start a fire like they do. Though they're not always successful, so I probably wouldn't be. They just caught a skunk and they've gotta figure out how to set it free cause they can't eat it. LOLOL!! "Retractable nipples just inside the anus..." was just something they said about how skunks spray. Totally funny!

My cake for tomorrow is coming along. I've made all the layers and they are chilling in the fridge. I may have to make the extra box of cake I bought cause my white layer broke. I THINK I may be able to make it work. We'll see in the morning though. My colors aren't quite as vivid as the picture, but I think it'll still look cool. I'm using mixes for the cake but making the frosting from scratch. I think it'll taste yummy!



I got another pair of shorts for the summer. Now I have 3 pairs and I think that'll do me fine for the summer. I wish I could have found some cute capris or bermudas, but oh well. I also got some new underwear even though I totally don't need it. I think I'm almost to the point where I could go 2 months without washing any panties. I guess it's slightly cheaper than all the pajama bottoms I used to buy. I've really cut back on those. I buy so much stupid crap that I don't need. eh

I don't think I'm cut out for living with somebody. Maybe it's just the person though. UGH! I wonder when I'll get rent this month.

"Redneck foreplay: "get in the truck." Thanks Dave from Dual Survival!

I haven't done or really started any of my big summer projects yet, but I'm keeping up on all the little chores so I'm happy about that. I'll start a big project on Monday. Which one though?? I think I'm going to clean out my closet. I have so many clothes just laying around piles. I can probably get rid of a bunch of stuff too. I feel like that will clean up a lot of the clutter in my room which will motivate me to put other stuff away and get better organized. So that is my plan...sound good? :)

I ran into my therapist at Top Foods yesterday. I'm actually surprised it took so long for it to happen. I think I've been seeing her for 4 years now and we live about 5 minutes apart so it was bound to happen. I don't think I've been in since February. That's another thing I wanna do this summer. I like to check in every couple months, even if nothing major is going on.

So I think that's it for me for now. I'm going to continue watching Dual Survival and when it's over probably continue on with Sex & the City Season 4, which I started last night. I've had 2 movies from Netflix for a couple weeks now. Maybe I should watch those. lol