*sigh*

I've been doing pretty good on not thinking about Kevin lately. Sometimes days will go by and then I'm shocked I haven't thought about it. Why is it so hard to forget about somebody who was just so bad for you? Why did I ever meet and fall in love with him and when will I ever really be over him? There's something about his smile that still makes me melt. And if he showed up at my doorstep right now, there's not telling what I'd do. Probably not tell him to go away though. Is that just because I'm lonely or because I still love him? Why can't I get him out of my head/heart?!? He's such a LOSER!! But a HOT one. I'm still so insecure with myself! I know a big part of my attraction to him was that this gorgeous guy, the kind I could NEVER get in my youth, wanted me. ME!!!! It made me feel special and beautiful and I miss that. I know I need to find those things in myself, but I don't know how or ever where to start looking.